My October Symphony

The past three weeks have flown by quickly; even now, I hesitate to take time to blog. I have had a lot of homework to catch up on, as well as activities outside of work and school. Was I really diving in Florida three weeks ago? Seems like much longer ago.

In the meantime, I've been fighting of some ragged thoughts. Friends have asked about my dating life; it's hard not to be defensive - I've been dating, but no fish worth keeping yet. I'm keenly aware of my age as well, even though I know plenty of other women my age who are single, never married. We are not crazy cat ladies (I have an extra layer of defense - no pets in my apartment).

In the meantime, watching the growing liberal backlash against Obama, along with the conservative chorus practically egging them on. For a moderate, it's interesting to watch. What did anyone really think would happen? Most of the isues seized upon by the chattering classes are simple chew toys - politics as usual. The real decisions, the policy-making that will have long-term impact, isn't part of the public debate.

Mentally, I'm already in November - a year on from the Presidential election. There are only three weeks left in October, and then three weeks till I see my parents for Thanksgiving. then, another four to see my sweeties, niece and nephew. By then, the current semester will be over, I'll be halfway on in my degree program, and considering where I want to head to next.

Kids

What is it with the men I meet? They all ask pretty quickly about kids. They want them. I can't have them.

I want kids, have wanted kids, even though my life isn't set up for them financially. it's something to work for. However, I can't actually get pregnant.

I think I would make a great mom. I'm patient and diligent, A good listener and, when required, a strong advocate. Last summer, after a group of kids kicked my niece off a playground, I tracked them down along with their parents and got an apology.

So, this is the second man I've dated who jumps to the kid question right off the bat. He wants 'em. I can't have 'em. I mention adoption, but I know it's not the same. Men who want kids want to pass on their genetic material. In market terms, I'm a bad investment, a complete waste of time.

So anyway, it makes me sad. It's one of those life-unfair things. I see it, i know it, I understand it, but I don't like it and wish it weren't so, and I just had to say that

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Dating

Remember when, I think to myself, I used to blog about dating, and going out, and all the fun adventures I had in the city?

It seems so sophomoric now. It was as if I would go do something just to write about it. It wasn't enough to experience life; I was accumulating material, as if I had nothing to say until I did something - a notion which, come to think of it, was probably accurate.

So, last night I had a nice date. we met in the Lower East Side. We had a dinner date. We talked - as seems to happen increasingly often with my dating - about religion and politics.

It was a reflection of old habits, trawling the LES, drinking and eating and kissing under halogen lights. I keep thinking I'm too old for this, or perhaps the thrill is gone, but in all it was a good date, and I hope we have another.

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